Up until now I have had a very comfortable and easy life. Nothing really tragic or difficult has ever happened to me, and somehow I've always felt that it was because God was preparing me for something. I guess this is it - the "white martyrdom" of religious life. It reminds me of my patroness, St. Therese. She was the spoiled youngest daughter of her family, and had never really known suffering before becoming a Carmelite. Well, the same is true for me, in a way; I have never had anything important to worry me, and now I am becoming a Norbertine. That probably means I will have a harder time with some aspects of the life than some of the other sisters. But if I give that to Jesus, then He can use even my naivete and ignorance to save souls. I only need Him to give me courage.
So many times I've asked Him why He blessed me the way He did. There can be few with the comforts of home, wealth, loving family, and good education that I have, and yet there are countless people more deserving of it. In His unspeakable mercy He gave me a life that some would dream of having. I will never understand why. I'm just doing what I can to repay Him for it. He has made my childhood and growing-up a joy and a perfect picture, so I will try to give Him my adult life and return to Him all that time spent in comfort. What would my life mean if I never suffered at all? Religious life certainly isn't anywhere near the worst kind of suffering, but I hope it will make up for a tiny fraction of His unmerited kindness to me. To give myself to Him is the best way I can think of to show my gratitude.
"From the one to whom much is entrusted, even more will be demanded," Jesus says (Luke 12:48). My life isn't much to demand - I am only one person in a world of billions - but it is the most that I can give. I pray that the Lord will give me strength to give it freely.
No comments:
Post a Comment
If you don't have a blogger account, click on Name/URL and put in your name. [Comments are moderated.]